Catch-up time! Photos of recent life-is-happening stuff and long-winded thoughts I’ve finally pinned down.
My erratic blogging habits have been on my mind lately. I never have an agenda when I write, I usually just wait until I’m compelled to sit down and blurt something out. In the last month and a bit, I’ve stared at my screen so many times wanting to share without knowing how to blah it out. With so many new and exciting things happening along with some worries in the family, it’s been difficult for me to know where to start.
So, what have I been up to? Some pretty big (for me) and amazing things! More hikes, a weekend in Whistler to try snowboarding for a day, jumping in the ocean on New Years Day (well, Burrard Inlet from Ambleside in West Van :P), and some other things I probably can’t remember. A big part of all this also includes someone I’ve been seeing these last few months, my goofy Mr. Special who is amazing at pushing me to do more outside my comfort zone and live it up =) See super-cheese photos below!
Holiday Party and the first normal-ish picture of us!
I went hiking at Admiralty Point in Belcarra again, this time with Mark. I was amazed at how much faster/easier it felt to me as opposed to when I last did it in June 2012 with Michelle!
Last month we took a gorgeous hike near the Capilano River at the Salmon Hatchery up to the Cleveland Dam!
Cheesy grin, so happy to be exploring nature!
Yep, I stuck my head through the railing because I couldn’t see over it. Lol…
A long way down…a fun, butt-blasting hike up from the hatchery as well. So, so good!
Scruffy McGruff on jazzy date night…I don’t think Movember was to blame, good timing to get away with it though!
So in like with Van Django at the Cellar Jazz Club! Red wine, cheese platter, fun music and diverse crowd…beautiful living!
My happy energy captured all wrong with googly eyes…
Sat on the Christmas Train for the first time, wheeeeeeee!
This was taken after a 6hr snowboarding lesson up at Whistler on Dec. 15th, my first time trying it! I definitely need to try again once I lose a bit more weight =)
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I actually did it and ran into the ocean on January 1st with Chris. Such an invigorating and pretty awesome way to start 2013, a sign that this will be a year of new experiences for me!
I couldn’t feel my legs at this point…picture couldn’t be taken fast enough!
As you can see, life has been fun 🙂 How do I qualify where I am now from where I was at this time last year? I keep going over these moments. I guess reflecting on the previous year is common for most after the new year, but these thoughts have been circling in my head for over a month in all their chaotic glory, and I’ve finally had a moment to stop and listen to each one. There were bad experiences and periods where I didn’t know why I kept pushing forward. These memories spark the good flashbacks, the kind that I feel and carry with me constantly as though I’m still living the event that happened weeks ago. Big things and little things — some as simple as crossing my legs or running in public, and big things like snowboarding which I’d never dreamed of trying anytime soon. I still haven’t reached a point where I can do it all without any fear of pain or worse. But I can do it. I can follow through, and I almost always choose to! And that’s exactly what’s changed…
I’m going to miss 2012. It’s changed my life in ways I’m still trying to comprehend. I know I can only move forward from here now but it’s hard not to look back constantly at where I was and what I’ve been. This “new me” with all these feelings and experiences is so foreign to my everything. I’ve mentioned my feelings of gratitude before — my desire to give back, somehow, all the good I’ve absorbed in this last year. I’m still trying to figure this one out. All I know is that I am happier now in my uncertainty and the unknown than I have ever been. Every day isn’t perfect. My heart, body and mind don’t always co-exist in sync, but I do find that it happens more frequently now. As opposed to never, that’s pretty profound for me. My family and friends support me regardless, even when they don’t understand me. I’ve met someone incredible who pushes me and helps me try things I’m irrationally terrified of doing and I love it. It excites me and grounds me at the same time and encourages me to look for more boundary-pushing things on my own.
I was so content when midnight struck on New Year’s eve. I was standing there on Dunsmuir and Beatty outside the skytrain station with Mark and Chris, looking up from the street at the balconies in the apartment towers above us lit up and full of people cheering and celebrating. We were just walking around with nowhere in particular to be when we stopped. The street was practically empty, but the sky was alive. I felt alive! I know how nuts that must sound, lame to some, but it was a moment for me that I’ll always think back to. I felt everything all at once and didn’t care that I wasn’t at a party somewhere celebrating. I didn’t care that we left the crowds behind us at the casino or in that bar we didn’t have any interest in. I was with 2 of my people (and they may or may not have been bored), I had my HNY tiara and I was in awe of everything. Plus, I still got to see pretty golden fireworks from the train a few moments later =)
I hope this doesn’t come off as vainglorious or presumptuous but these are the moments I wish I could teach others to recognize, especially those I care about. Of course, it’s a bit more personal and complex than that and not easily done. I just want to help others believe that they can feel this and that happiness actually does exist in these rare and unexpected moments if you open yourself up to them. The real kind that resonates from within and that you’re accountable for, with or without those amazing people all the while knowing they are still a huge part of the reason you’re here. It doesn’t come easily — there is nothing about the last few years that has been easy and it will probably always be this way because life happens whether we pay attention or not. But now I know it’s worth and that should be good enough to get me through the next 5 years, at least! I just never thought it possible to appreciate life this much, and I’m not even done yet =)
Happy New Year to each and every one of you, I truly hope it is full of life and light and appreciation.